Dos and Don’ts of Flatsharing in London (or elsewhere).
Written to the beat of Kings of Leon, Empire of the Sun, Alice Nine, BlackSabbath, The Rakes and Chambers Brothers among others 
… Here’s my 
list of Flatsharing Dos and Don’ts in London (UK) and possibly everywhere else.
Don’ts:
Single, decent-looking girls: AVOID flatshares with COUPLES like the plague.
If you have the luxury of choice, avoid moving into flashares under the rule of unmarried couples (especially couples about to marry, or couples where the male counterpart is a close friend). I did this twice and am still recovering from the shock. Maniacal/paranoid girlfriend 
tactics put former Blackwater to shame. It goes from smooth mobbing to tea bag bombing, disappearing food, cat fights, locked doors, emptied/displaced/disfigured cosmetics and toiletries, alienating invited friends, to name a few. If you can think of it, you won’t have it covered.
What to do 
: when you notice the slightest friction, flee in the best possible fashion before it’s too late. Speaking is useless and so is prolonged absence. Unless you are in a serious relationship, AVOID sharing with couples.
Dos:
Keep to yourself at first until you work out the dynamics of the place.
If you are a flatshare apprentice and think you know the ways of the world and its people, think again. Flatshares are a world of their own and nothing that applies outside is true on the inside. Think of The Hive (Resident Evil): you’ll need a heck of a lot of stealth and insight to see where they’re coming from and act accordingly. For example, I was in a flatshare where the focus was “family” when my approach was privacy and detachment. Briefly, it didn’t work. Past your early twenties, choose flatshares with people your age and sharing your priorities.
Dos:
Keep the place tidy. It really isn’t your home.
No problems there as I am the uberly tidy type but I’ve heard of horror stories where things turned nasty over untidiness. I personally understand that some people (mostly guys) are comparable to monkeys in a zoo when it comes to living standards but most people can’t stand untidiness and would rather initiate Armageddon than discuss or help tidy up. Knowing that in flatshare-world it’s so easy for nothing to turn into the Apocalypse, make sure you wash and clean up after yourself.
Don’ts:
Don’t borrow stuff, even when it’s kindly offered.
Right up there with “Does God exist?” and “What is the purpose of the human race?” I’ve got the question: “Why do people offer things they don’t really intend to share?! 
” I’ve never been so glad to piss something and even considered returning it to the bottle 
(but thought better of it) when a flatmate told me off for drinking a gulp of port I was kindly offered the day before… I was supposed to “ask”. To his credit, I had been offered the offending drink by another flatmate (even if it really wasn’t his… Call me dupe but I don’t think he meant any harm, he probably spoke a little too much…). Anyway, I bought two bottles to make up for the borrowed butt of port… On hindsight, I should never have.
What to do : or rather, what not to do: borrow. Even when offered. You can afford either to not borrow it or buy your own.
Don’t:
If a flatmate is a friend, don’t mingle with his/her friends until you are well established in the circle.
I’ve got this one pretty much covered but thought it would be of use for those of you currently in that situation. To your flatmates, you already know too much just by sharing the place with them. You know too much about their cheating, eating, hygiene (or lack thereof) habits for them to be comfortable leaving you with their friends. Basically, every time a friend flatmate brought people over I made sure I was never left alone with them. It took, literally, half a second of the patron being outside the room for questions to start flooding in. Remember: blind, deaf, mute or homeless.
.
. It’s genious really, one of those things that make you wonder why you hadn’t thought of it before…
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Waning Gibbous, 95.2%. 
